she's not there, neither is Jade
by believeindreams-believeinyou
Summary: Jade has a lot of secrets, and Beck knows most of them. He's there every time she falls apart, but that doesn't make it any less painful.


_"See this piercing here? And this one here? I got them both about 45 minutes after my mother told me I couldn't get my face pierced. Sorry Mom." (Video Profile, Jade West, TheSlap)_

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><p>Jade was perched on her favourite tire swing in her backyard (okay, the <em>only<em> tire swing in her backyard), earphones in her ears, swinging back and forth. She'd just put a video up on The Slap and needed some time to cool down - they always worked her up.

Halfway through the latest song to come on the little mp3 player's shuffle feature, she noticed that someone was standing at the side gate, watching her. She yanked her earphones out, stuffed them in her pocket, and got up to get a closer look.

"Beck?" she called, confused.

"Hey babe." He answered, finally walking closer.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were hanging with your dad in the hospital?"

"I came as soon as I saw the video."

"Wh… You're not making sense, Beck. Why would you feel the need to run over here like that?"

Beck took the final step forward and pulled her closer by the tops of her arms. He kept his hands there.

"Jade…"

"Don't play the sympathy card unless I know what you're being sympathetic about!" she snapped, annoyed.

"You… You spoke about your piercings. And how your mom told you couldn't get them."

"So? You know that story."

"Jade, your mother's been dead for 12 years."

She looked up at him, silently, studying his face.

Then she flipped out.

"No. NO!" she screamed, thrashing out of his arms.

But Beck was prepared and let go as soon as she started (he couldn't help her if he was knocked out).

"She's not! She's… She's… She…" She trailed off. "She's right…"

And then the tears started.

She was sobbing violently, tears soaking her face, ruining her make-up and the collar of her shirt. Her hands clawed at her stomach and her heart, as if it hurt to have them in her body.

Beck watched her double over and slowly collapse to the floor.

"Beck!" she sobbed, looking up and reaching for him, "Beck… she's…"

He got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around her, rocking them both slightly and stroking her hair.

"It's gonna be okay, I promise." He whispered into her ear. "It's gonna be alright. We'll make it okay."

"She's… She's not here?"

"No, she's not."

"She's not here." Jade repeated to herself, trying to get used to the idea.

It broke his heart, those three words. He'd heard her repeat them to herself so many times that he was sure they'd lose meaning if they were _any other words_ with _any other meaning_. It was permanently etched into his brain - three words, 11 letters, one apostrophe, the way they sounded when they left her lips. He couldn't forget, but she could, and she_ did_.

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><p>Jade West was broken. She was so shattered and scattered that not even Beck could find all the pieces. Just when he thought he had them all, she came crashing down. But if there was one thing Jade <em>was<em>, it was a good actress. Phenomenal. Exquisite. So good that she'd managed to convince everyone - except her father, Beck, and occasionally Cat- that she was okay. She was fine. She was dandy. She was just like this. Her darkness wasn't a reflection of her heart but a reflection of her personality.

She loved playing a character. To contradict herself, she loved playing the happy characters. Because happiness was something she rarely experienced (it was _never_ heard of outside of time with Beck) and it was fun to pretend for a few hours that she was happy all the time, and things were perfect, and her heart wasn't a black hole sucking her in slowly.

_Because she was broken._

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><p>Beck Oliver was always secure. He was always together. Always had some kind of happiness in his day.<p>

And then he met Jade West, and he started to feel guilty. His heart would swell, and he'd feel _bad._ Every time he smiled he'd want to punch his own jaw. Why did he deserve to feel so light, so carefree, when the one girl in the world who did deserve it, couldn't? Beck was 100% dedicated to that girl. Jade. His one true love - the one that made his heart complete. She made him so happy, but he'd never tell her that because it just wasn't fair.

So he spent his life trying to save hers, because he knew one day she wouldn't want to fight anymore. One day, she'd grow tired of playing a character and quit. She'd leave the stage, so to speak.

He lived each day for that moment, knowing it was just a matter of time. He tried to make each day at least a little better, be there for her when they weren't, and make her smile as often as possible.

At the expense of his own life, he made hers complete. They were two souls, intertwined in a dangerous game of Russian roulette, each praying for the other to get out before it was too late.

Beck only hung on because she was Jade.

_Because she was broken._

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><p><strong><em>Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, Next to Normal, or any characters or plot lines. I do, however, own this idea and this story.<em>**

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><p><strong><em>AN - I'm not even sure what this is. I was listening to my _Next to Normal_ soundtrack, thinking about death just in general, and this spilt all over the nearest keypad I had. But hey, review and stuff so I know this wasn't just a waste of fanfiction space._**


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